Yeah, I know I said I wouldn't abandon this account. But I've been feeling sort of shy, anti-social, and, I suppose, disappointment in myself for quite a while now. I just really don't like myself on this account when I was a teenage and new to the web. I did not know how to talk to people on the Internet (still feel that way) so I felt like I was being awkward to a lot people, artist that I liked, other members, etc. and now I can't help but think of how annoying I was being and how many mistakes I made. I just felt like I was so immature and naive back then. And then there's school and other stuff like family and my other projects keeping me off DA I guess. To tell the truth it actually took some slow building courage to just to want to write this journal that I felt like being honest with my feelings here.
Speaking of the truth and honesty, I gotta tell ya, I am as of now and for the longest time, no longer interested in drawing Bleed art. I just don't like to do it any more as much as I use to when I was younger. And I've become a little afraid that most of my other watchers here are waiting around for me to do Bleed art again and that not many people will look up my other works. Just forever on this account be known as the girl who draws like another artist which is what I never wanted. And when I come back, I'm just dedicating this account to fanart or animations of other stuff that I actually like such as Transformers, Disney, cartoons, or maybe even some Homestuck. (yes I like homestuck, it's just so crazy yet interesting)Because it's my account, I want it be something I can actually be happy with.
I gotta say that when I was a teen, I did not really plan on wanting to be an artist for a career. It all kinda started couple of years ago before I joined here. (warning, kinda of a long boring story, you don't have to read it if you're bored or don't want to) I saw someone's sort of traced fanart of Grim adventures Mandy from a GT page on this other art website I used to be on to for fun. (don't ask for my account, I deleted it) I thought the style it drawn in was really interesting so I looked into it and found snafu where I learned about Grim Tales. Now this was my very first webcomic and I was young and very new to art and the internet. I have not spent any time on websites when I was a kid. Not to mention it was a fancomic with all my favorite cartoon characters on tv so of course I just loved the damn thing (plus Sugar Bits and PPGD). I had thought he was really good at drawing and I just found the story ideas pretty amusing and wanted to see where would he go with this. Plus loved stories about royal families and the really thin and clean lines that he drew. Overtime I really got more into art and wanted to practice getting better at it. I wasn't good on my own so I thought up a method of trying to copy his style in hopes of developing my own then I later on switched to DA (because of old friend of mine being on here). I eventually learned at a later time that Bleedman also had an account and so I watched him. Everything was way different from the other site and I just wasn't use to being online. I even made the mistake of posting bleed art/fanart of my characters with a licenses 'cause I had not known how things work here, misunderstood the rules, and ended up getting yelled and called an art thief. (really hurt me by the way) Few years later noticed his artwork started changing. I didn't mind it because I knew that not every artist sticks to their old methods. But lately, I've felt less and less interested in and inspired by his stories and his art style. Mostly with Grim Tales going back to WHAM. I still read PPGD out of curiosity to see where it's going and Sugar Bits just to see it how it ends but I find myself not even looking at his latest GT stories. I just cannot and do not love the story as much as I used to which used to give me a lot of inspiration. Now it's kinda of motivating me into trying new things with my own stories, motivated me getting away from fan stories. Even drawing his art style has been feeling sort of restricting to me where I don't feel like I'm getting any freedom when drawing it or even feeling it.
If it weren't for him though, I wouldn't have met someone I consider my best friend here or any of my other friends on here or learn about other more awesome artists around here or even got to make stories like Infernum with my friend. You see, Dark Chronicles (its old name) was the first story that we started working on together. My friend got the idea of Aruku from a member who made and drew Aku/Blossom artwork in this amazing art style. I made Sakara and drew them together in bleed style. She got this fun idea to write a story for them and I went along and supplied the artwork. Eventually we came up with Dark Chronicles, a comic she created and I had fun helping with. That's thing, Dark Chronicles was actually meant as a practice comic for us to work on to try to teach ourselves how to organize a comic. We did it because it was fun and we loved the original characters we created for it. It was more about the characters than any actual Aku/Blossom stuff. And I did it in Bleed style because it was the only style I felt comfortable with at the time. From that one artist, I saw that pairing as is a Beauty and the Beast type of deal with an adult Blossom and cute child and her monster friend deal with kid Blossom. To me it was more innocent and not… that other stuff some might think, ugh. In short, it was a fun project with only two cartoon characters at a pg rating for fighting and violence but we wanted ended up evolving it and wanting to work more on our own original characters (which were nothing original characters but in the comics) and stories and less on fan stuff. And that birthed Infernum which is a story we both hope that people will want to enjoy. But we sorted wanted a clean slate so I made a new secret account to house it. The story is sort of the same but we made a lot of changes together (taking out Aku and Blossom, cutting some stuff, making it more serious) to make sure we had something we would we both be even happier showing around.
That's all I have left to say now. So sorry about my painfully long boring essay on my life story, thoughts, and feelings here. It's just something I've been keeping inside myself for so long. I really want people to get to know me better but I just get shy and keep to myself. Anyway yeah so no more bleed art or even bleed fanart. I just don't like his stuff much anymore. He's still the guy who got me into art but I've just lost the interest in his. I was even thinking of deleting some stuff or even deactivating this account and getting a fresh start on one for fanart but I won't 'because there are some people who still like some of that stuff I suppose. (Plus my gallery's near empty anyway. ) I'm also keeping my last commission from him on there even if I don't like Minnie and Mimi that much anymore. I just don't people to steal something I paid for. And I do remember how much I liked coloring it.
Also just know that when I do come back officially, I won't be taking request, or freebies. I might set up some commissions in the future but none will be bleed art because I just wouldn't be happy to do it unless I'm really up for it. I just really want to do more serious work and move on out of that very long phase of mine throughout my teen years. I'll be sticking around to answer any questions you have that I feel comfortable asking. Then I'll leave to my other account where I'll be busy with working on my projects, Infernum. And there's school and homework. Till then, bye for now. :3